Affairs Of The Heart
by atearsarahjane
Summary: What if the adoption letter hadn't arrived? What if Patrick had not seen sense after talking to Chummy's mother? What if the situation at home had only gotten worse and worse? AU. Set post/during 3.8
1. Chapter 1

**This came to me unexpectedly in the middle of the night whilst on holiday and it absolutely had to be written that minute. **

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'Can she have children? The woman you're having an affair with, can she have children?' Shelagh asked suddenly.

'What?' Patrick gasped dropping the plate he was drying onto the counter, both of them ignoring it shattering.  
'Is she pretty? What's her name? No, wait don't tell me. I don't want to know.'  
'Shelagh...I... I'm not having an affair!'  
'I wish I could believe that. I really do.' She sighed turning slightly to face the far cupboard as he averted his eyes.  
'Why would I lie to you about that? Why would you think that?'  
'Because you can't look me in the eye and say you aren't. Because you can't even look at me at all. Because every time I try to get you to look at me you look guilty. Because you've barely spoken to me since the adoption interview and our fight no matter how times I've tried to apologise and make up for the harsh words I said. Because you come home late everyday smelling like another woman. Because I found lipstick on your collar last week in a colour I would never wear.. Because you haven't kissed me for 34 days. Because every time I try to seduce you or even hug you you turn away from me and claim you've had a long hard day. Because we haven't made love in a month and a half. Because ever since I handed you those forms for the adoption society you've barely touched me. Because I know you haven't been at the surgery because I've popped in to see you on late nights to learn you left early _again_ looking rather dapper and wasn't you with her at some swanky hotel? Because you've suddenly started dressing smarter _all of the_ time. Because Mr Taylor in the jeweller's shop asked me if I liked the necklace and watch you'd bought me for my birthday 2 weeks ago...my birthday was 5 months ago. Because I love you and I miss you and I can't stand not knowing anymore. Because I'm thinking of leaving you and I need to know whether I should file for divorce under infidelity or something else.' Shelagh said through the tears that began streaming down her face, pacing as she revealed her torment.

'You want to divorce me?' He asked weakly dropping into a chair shocked, unable to stop his legs from shaking. He felt sick to his stomach. _She knew!_ She knew something had been going on. He thought he had hidden it well, managed to cover his tracks and yet here they were.  
'Of course I don't _want_ to divorce you Patrick. I love you desperately but I refuse to live a sham marriage. It wouldn't be right. That wouldn't be fair to either of us or to Timothy. You can keep custody of him of course. I'd never dream of taking him away from you. I'm just his stepmother. I'll never be a real parent no matter what he calls me. No matter how much I love him. I thought I was close but evidently I wasn't good enough and for that I apologise. I just hope your new lady treats him as well as he deserves. I know it's hard not to love him, believe me I've fallen head over heels for him. Just let me see him every other weekend or something. I can't stay around here of course. I can't stay in Poplar, not with everyone knowing I couldn't even make my marriage last a year. Oh and let me come to the school productions and sports days please. I can survive the stares for those. I would endue every torment of earth to see those. I want to still be a part of his life in whatever capacity you want. I'd understand if she wouldn't feel comfortable with anything more than that. I don't want him to lose another mother even if it's only a stepmother. I don't want to lose my son. I love him so much. I love both of you so much. That's why I'm going to step aside. I'll leave quietly. You can tell everyone that I was the cause, I wouldn't want to sully your professional reputation. I'll let you marry her and she can give you children and Timothy can have the little brother or sister he always wanted. I won't make a fuss. Just promise me she'll treat the two of you right. Promise me that she'll remember that when you say you don't want sugar in your tea you mean you want 3 even if you don't realise it. That she'll remember how to cook eggs just the way you like them. That she'll teach Timothy how to treat a lady. That she'll show Tim how to dress properly. That she'll practise dancing with him when he has school events. That she'll dance with him at his wedding. That she'll go camping with you like I said would. That she'll tie your ties for you when you're eating your toast as you run out the door because you overslept again. That she'll be a wonderful mother to all your children. And oh those kids will be beautiful. They'll be so lucky to have you as a father. She'll be so blessed to have you as a husband. Just as I was. Never let her forget that. The past year has been the best of my life. Being your wife for the last 8 months is my proudest achievement. I'm sorry I have to go.' Shelagh sobbed, hand to mouth as she ran out of the house leaving Patrick standing dumbfounded in the kitchen, rooted to the spot in shock for considerable seconds before the reality of the situation and this new twist of events hit him like one of the cargo crates he'd seen not 30 minutes previously. Shaking himself out of it he ran out after her but couldn't see her anywhere. Quickly scribbling down a note in case she returned before he did he picked a direction and began running faster than he ever had done. _Where might she go?_ He wondered. _Nonnatus House? No she wouldn't want to face Sister Evangelina and admit our marriage was over. Not that it_ **_is_** _over. But Sister Julienne would be there. That would be incentive enough. But she'd be at work. Maybe the docks? Chummys house for help from her main married friend? Possibly The Monks? The park?_ Shelagh had been known to go to the park when life got overwhelming in the past _it's as good a first try as anywhere._

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**_Reviews greatly appreciated xx_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow guys so this had a great response last chapter and it made me so so happy so keep that up (hint hint).**

**Dedicated to Sarah, the Hannahs, Bee and Nicole for being wonderful human beings and boosting my fanfiction confidence by 1000 percent whilst I was writing this and have pestered me all day to update. Love you all xx**

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Approaching the park he scanned the grass. There! Over by the pond! He'd recognise her from miles away. Wait...she wasn't alone. Was that...Nurse Franklin with her arms around her? And _oh no_ sister Julienne! If there was one person he didn't want to know how poorly he'd been treating his wife it was her mother. Nevertheless this had to be sorted. Now. He rushed over to her. His heart broke anew at the sight on her pretty face blotchy from tears, make up streaming down her face, shaking in the arms of her mother and dear friend.

'Shelagh. Darling.'

'Patrick please don't make this any harder than it already is.' She sobbed as she jumped up and turned to walk away. He dropped to his knees and grabbed her hand with one hand turning her to face him again and wrapped his other arm around her legs, rooting her to the spot. Silently Sister Julienne and Trixie backed away a little, far enough to give the couple some space yet close enough to dive in if necessary. Nether of them wanted Shelagh to get hurt any more than she already had and were prepared to remove him if the situation warranted such action.  
'Darling. Sweetheart. Please listen to me. I'm not having an affair. I would never, **could** never cheat on you. I love you so much Shelagh. You are everything to me. _Everything!_ I am so unworthy of you. I would never risk what I have with you for anything. Any other woman is nothing compared to you. I haven't so much as glanced at another woman in that way since I fell in love with you. You're so beautiful, so kind, so loving, so wise, so magnificent. You're perfect Shelagh. Inside and out. I don't want anyone but you. You are my life. Please believe me that I am not cheating on you. Please don't leave me. I know I haven't been the best husband but I'll do better I promise. I'll do whatever you want just please come home. Don't leave me. I can't live without you. I need you. I spent so long wanting you when I couldn't have you. Now I have you I would never do anything to ruin that. I don't want anyone else. You are my future. I want all those things that you said with _you_. Not some hypothetical woman.' He cried, distress pouring from every crevice of his face. Ignoring the audience he leant his forehead against her stomach, soaking her shirt with his tears.

'Then explain why all the evidence points to you cheating on me?' She said unable to meet his eye, instead staring at the fraying corner of his sweater and contemplated whether she could fix that before she left Poplar. _If_ she left Poplar.  
'I'm so ashamed.'  
'Why? What have you done? Just talk to me Patrick.' She said finally meeting his eyes and gasping at the torment written in them.  
_'That's_ why. Shame. I hurt you so badly. I took away our chance to adopt because I was too scared of how you'd react. Every time I look at you I'm reminded of how terribly I destroyed your hopes. You've asked for so little in life, you've spent so log helping others and putting them before yourself yet when you finally allowed yourself to want something beautiful I destroyed it. That's why I can't look at you, why I can't touch you, why I haven't kissed you. You deserve so much better than me Shelagh. I was scared that if I looked at you before I had the chance to fix ...this...this rift, this heartbreak, that I would watch you realise that and leave me. Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of you leaving me but now I've gone and messed it all up and you're doing it anyway. Please don't leave me. Please. I need you. I love you. Timothy needs you. You are his mother, not just his step-mum! He loves you so much. Hypothetical woman could never be the wonderful paradigm of a mother to him that you seem to think she could because she isn't _you_. We need _you_.'  
'But that doesn't explain everything else Patrick.' Shelagh said through the flood of tears flowing down her face. 'You've still bought jewellery for an unknown woman, you smell like another woman, you had lipstick on your collar and it wasn't mine. You've taken another woman out for dinner. Our bank account has had several inexplicable large withdrawals from it.'  
'I was trying to make it up to you.' He admitted brokenly collapsing back onto his heels as he was yet again presented with his crimes.  
'You're not making sense.' She sniffled.  
'The lipstick and the smell and the jewellery and the dinners are all due to one person. Her name is Estelle McNamara and I'm not cheating on you with her.'  
'Then what Patrick? Why would you do all that if you aren't dating her?' She asked as he sighed. Finally it was time he revealed what had weighed on his conscience for what felt like so long. Though far from how he had wanted to tell her, if he ever did, the relief of it was immense. No longer did he have to hide.  
'I've been doing some work for her. Her companion left her suddenly and she had no one. She's been paying me to go to dinner with her and take her out. I've acted as a handyman to her as well and a sort of manslave. She began to get overly fond of me and started trying to kiss me-hence the lipstick you found on my collar. I should have left her then, removed myself from the situation but she turned nasty,she threatened to tell you that I was cheating on you with her. And she was paying so well. She's 65 by the way. She began making me buy her presents, the watch and the necklace- that's where the money's been going though she's been paying me more than I spent on her trust me. Two days ago she started introducing me to her friends as her young new boyfriend so I left. Not even the money was worth that. It was too close to betraying you.' He admitted.  
'But why? We're perfectly fine for money. Aren't we?' She frowned worriedly.  
'I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to get your hopes up in case it didn't work.'  
'I'm not following.'  
'Shelagh sit down...please. thank you. I thought, seeing as I had pretty much destroyed our chances of adopting, and you want a baby so much...'  
'Please don't tell me you were trying to buy us a child.' She paled at the thought. He'd been in such a strange mood for so long now that she honestly could not predict his behaviour. He had become a new man and it had broken her heart to think she no longer knew him. She hoped, prayed, that this event was the catalyst to getting her Patrick back.  
'No! Not that. That would almost be easier though. Remember after our fight post interview.'  
'You stormed out of the house because of truly horrible things I said to you.' He nodded  
'I went to the surgery. There was a new copy of the Lancet International just arrived. I needed something to take my mind off of everything. There was an article in there about a pioneering new procedure in America. It deals with exactly your condition. It's still in the trial stages but the early results look promising. I thought, since I ruined Plan B that I'd try get Plan A back on the table. But there's no guarantee of final success, hence why I didn't want to get your hopes up.'

'Oh.' She gaped. This was so far from anything she had expected that she found herself near speechless.

'But it costs. A lot. Which is why I started with Estelle. She paid a lot higher than overtime at the surgery ever would. Even with Estelle and our life savings it would have taken over two years to get anywhere close to enough for the treatment. Let alone getting there. But I had to do it. For you. For my incredible wife whose life I've changed too many times. Kissing you in the kitchen, telling you you had TB, writing to you in the Sanatorium, you leaving the Order to be with me, you ostracising your family because you thought they didn't accept us, not noticing Tim had polio and then postponing the wedding, telling you you weren't pregnant, telling you of your condition, not telling you of my breakdown-all I seem to have done is cause you pain since I fell in love with you. I just wanted to make you happy for once. I know I went about it wrong but that was all I've ever wanted for you. I want you to be happy Shelagh. Even if you do leave me I want to have the money so you can have a child with a man who _does_ deserve you.' He finished his explanation with his head on his knees, unable to watch her process the tale. He was shocked seconds later when he felt her hand slip into his. Looking up he saw her eyes gleam with tears..but not the same tears that he had seen earlier. These tears seemed to exude hope. She lifted her other hand to cradle his cheek softly, brushing away the tears he had not known were seeping down his face.

'Oh Patrick you stupid idiot. You make me so very happy when you're not being an eejit. Marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me. The best decision I ever made. But were you really willing to break my heart every day and night for 2 years? Was I going to have to wait that long for you to kiss me? Or accept my kisses? Was I going to have to 2 years to make love with you? To have my marriage back? Because I won't do it Patrick. Nothing is worth that.' She frowned once more and the crease between her eyes that Patrick had grown to adore reappeared. He beat down the rising urge to kiss it away-he still did not know where his marriage stood. Shelagh was a deeply emotional person and one misstep or misunderstanding could halt his progress.

'I don't know what I was thinking. I just knew I needed to make it up to you.'

'Patrick I don't _need_ a baby. Yes I would love to have one and believe me I would want a baby with no-one but you. But I do need you. I need my husband. I need the man I married. I need _you__._ I need the man I love. Not some overworked, over tired, facsimile of him. And I need our son. That was almost the hardest part of this all. The idea of leaving him when he had done nothing wrong made me sick to my stomach. With you and our Timmy I have more than I ever dared wish for. Even in the most prosperous and vivid of dreams I had in the Sanatorium, no matter how many children we may have had in them, I never dreamed of a fraction of how wonderful the love of my boys could be. Such happiness is inconceivable.'  
'You believe me?' He gaped,a slow grinning crawling across his face.  
'Yes. I believe you Patrick. Because for the first time in over a month you looked me in the eye. That's all I wanted earlier. I wanted you to look me in the eye and promise me you weren't cheating on me.'  
'Do you forgive me?'  
'Yes. On two conditions.'  
'Anything my love.'  
'One-I get to shout at a certain 65 year old woman at some point for making a move on my man.' She grinned.  
'Gladly. What's the other?'  
'For the love of all that is holy will you _please_ kiss me.'  
'With pleasure darling.'

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**Still 2/3 chapters to go including Shelagh vs Estelle :)**

**Reviews appreciated x**


	3. Chapter 3

'Oh Patrick I've missed you so much.' She sobbed openly into his shoulder some considerable minutes later. He gathered her further into his lap, now completely encompassing her in his embrace.

'I've missed you too. Every second I spent with Estelle I wished I was with you. But the thought of you and the potential joyful outcome of it all was enough to keep me going in the worst moments. I had to make you happy.'

'Was it so bad? Going out to dinner is hardly a horrible experience even if you do seem to miss your mouth with every other forkful and therefore get food all down your clothes.'

'You've never dined with Estelle McNamara. And that was only some of what she made me do. Shelagh she made me clip her toenails!' He looked so pathetic that it was all she could do not to burst out laughing. Instead she forced a sympathetic look onto her face.

'But you hate feet! You make us wear slippers even when the house is toasty warm.' She exclaimed. 'Poor baby.'

'I know! And I had to walk her horror of a dog as well. I mean I'm a dog lover, you know that, but that dog should be put down. It bit my leg! It drew blood!'

'Oh honey let me see!' She paled and his hand flew to her face to stroke away the worry that was furrowed in her brow. 'What if it had been diseased? What if it had gotten infected? Why didn't you tell me? You could have mentioned it without bringing up Estelle. I'm your wife-it's my job to patch you up. Heck knows I've been patching your clothes long enough. And you're so darn clumsy sometimes it's a wonder you've never needed a patch job in the last year.'

'It's okay now, I am a doctor you know Mrs Turner. And if I'd have shown up at home with blood pouring down my leg you would have wanted an answer and forced it all out of me. In hindsight it would have been a good thing as we never would have gone through today. It's alright though, my leg. I had a slight limp for a week or so but I hid it as well as I could so don't you start worrying about not noticing. I went straight to the surgery and sorted myself out. Left Petal tied up outside of course.'

'Petal? You were bitten by a dog called Petal?' She giggled involuntarily.

'Don't let the name fool you. That dog is Satan himself. Oh, sorry love.' He winced at his words.

'Big scary Petal?' Shelagh teased as she waved away the apology.

'I'll show you the scar once we get home. My war wound as it were...oh, not so funny any more war wounds. I will tell you Shelagh. I'll tell you about my time in Italy, about what happened to me, about my internment at Northfield. I know I have to. I want to. Just give me a little more time.' He promised her. To his relief she nodded through the thin sheen of tears that had reappeared and the reminder of what had started this whole sorry mess. Her heart shattered just a little bit more thinking of what could have happened to break the strongest man she knew.

'I give you every day of the rest of our lives. Because we won't be parted. I don't know if I would have been able to go through on my threat to leave. Leaving Timothy would have been too hard. Leaving you would have been too hard.' She admitted sighing.

'Thank you my love. I promise I will never again give you the chance to think upon it again.'

'Good.'

'I don't suppose you want to go home and admire my scar? It's very manly.' He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows in an achingly familiar action. Barely a week into their engagement he had had been amused and delighted to find out that his beloved Scot could not resist kissing him at the action.

'Sorry I already have plans for once we get home. Though thinking about it both plans do require you taking your trousers off so I'm sure we can find a happy compromise.'

'I love you so much Shelagh Turner. You are all I want. Timothy will grow up and move out someday and find his own life to live but you are mine, my life. Even though I was too ashamed to look at you whilst you were awake your face as you slept brought such joy. You're so beautiful Shelagh. I know that you'll never accept it but you are. I don't know how I was ever lucky enough that you fell in love with me but I am so glad you did. I will never take that for granted or jeopardise us again. I love you, I can't stress that enough.'

'I love you too you buffoon. We need to talk about all of this and your Plan A resurgence soon. Whilst I appreciate the thought, and it may be worth looking into, and I appreciate everything you've done to help get that goal, the fact still remains that I nearly left you Patrick. Our marriage nearly ended. That's big. I'm not going to sugar coat this-we have big problems Patrick, those aren't going to go away overnight. I'm still half tempted to slap you for the way you've treated me this past month. You made me feel more miserable than I can ever remember. Even when I was struggling with my feelings for you I never felt that bad. But that's not a conversation for now. Right now there is only one thing I want to concentrate on. Please take me home Patrick. I need you to make love with me.'

'Hmmm with you? Not make love not to you?'

'Honey I've been fantasizing about making love to you for a month now. You're mine tonight.'

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**Next chapter will either be Shelagh vs. Estelle (a month after this chapter) or Trixie and Sister Julienne's POV of the last two chapters. They'll both be posted anyway but I'm in two minds about which order to post them in.**

**Reviews _very_ greatly appreciated xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**For Rocky/Sarah who said she'd like to see how Sister Julienne and Trixie reacted to the previous chapters, Bee who asked how Shelagh found the pair, this-unruly-heart for talking me through a fanfiction fuelled-angst ridden mini breakdown, the other members of MMEPAC and to everyone else who has reviewed this so far.**

**And thank you to the guest reviewer who pointed out that some of my terminology was too modern. I've gone back and corrected what I can find and have tried to be more careful. If anyone spots any other anachronisms please let me know so I can fix it.**

**Reviews and comments mean more than you can possibly imagine to me :)**

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'Excellent work Nurse Franklin.' Sister Julienne said as they left the tenement block.  
'Thank you Sister. Long delivery though!' She yawned.  
'I think it's straight to bed for you my dear.'  
'You won't hear me arguing. Except that I insist you go to bed too, you've been up even longer than I. Paperwork can wait.'  
'But-'  
'To bed Sister! We can't having collapsing at the dinner table again. I'm not sure Sister Winifred could take the shock twice.'  
'Alright Nurse Franklin.' They began their journey back and travelled on in silence before having to stop suddenly to avoid hitting a woman who dived out in front of them sobbing.  
'Hey watch where you're-Shelagh?' Trixie started to shout but broke off as the woman turned to them. Seeing the distress wrought on their beloved friends face they threw their bikes aside and dashed over to the shaking woman who was now frozen to the spot.  
'Shelagh? My darling girl what on earth is wrong?' Sister Julienne wrapped an arm around her.  
'I...I can't..it's too embarrassing...I'm so ashamed.' She backed away before dashing off one more. A quick glance between the two midwives affirmed the fact they were of the same mind and they ran off after her. What a sight they must make Trixie thought, a disheveled housewife being chased by an exhausted midwife and a caped nun. They soon reached the park and spun around desperate to catch a glimpse of Shelagh.  
'Over there! Under the oak tree.' They hurried over to Shelagh who was perched on her hands and knees and, they realized as they approached, in the early stages of hyperventilating. Dropping down next to her Sister Julienne forced Shelagh back onto her knees and lifted her chin so the woman was looking her in the eye

'Shelagh it's okay. Whatever is going on its going to be okay I promise. Whatever it is I'm here and so is Trixie. You're safe. Breathe now darling. Deep breaths. Slowly now.'

'Mum?' Shelagh fell into the nun's embrace, burrowing her face in her habit as she struggled to breathe.

'I'm here my darling girl. Look at me sweetheart. Breathe with me. Slowly now. Deep breaths. Breathe with me. In and out. In. Out. There that's better. We can't have you getting ill now. Your lungs still aren't fully recovered from your tuberculosis. You shouldn't overexert yourself so. Your husband would never forgive us.' At this Shelagh moaned painfully.

'My dear child what is the matter? Is it Dr T-Patrick? Please tell us so we can help you.'  
'My husband is cheating on me. I think my marriage is over. I think I might have just left my husband. I've just left my son without a mother once more. How can you help me? How can you stop my heart from breaking into a thousand pieces. Timothy doesn't deserve this. I promised him I'd never leave him and now I am. He's innocent in this. It's not his fault that I wasn't good enough. Please help me? I don't now what to do.' Shelagh wailed the last part as the bubbing emotions boiled over once more. It was the most chilling wail either had heard. It was almost, Sister Julienne thought as she flinched, as bad as the workhouse howl, like an animal trapped in a clamp, but was a thousand times worse to it's source.  
'He's having an affair? Are you sure?' Trixie gasped  
'I asked him and he couldn't look me in the eye and tell me he wasn't. There's so much evidence pointing to it that it's implausible not to be the truth. He wouldn't deny going out to dinner and buying expensive presents for another woman. He smells like and had the lipstick of a woman who isn't me on his collar.'  
'Maybe this is all a horrible misunderstanding. Why on earth would he ever cheat on you? I've never seen a couple more suited to each other or more in love.'  
'We've barely spoken in a month Trixie. He hasn't kissed me in over a month. He looks guilty all of the time and there's what I said just now. I'm not enough for him. I tried so hard but I let him down and he found someone else.'  
'I thought you'd resolved your fight from last month?' Sister frowned.  
'No. I just said we had so you wouldn't worry. It's just got worse. I was so horrible to him that I drove him into another woman's arms. I made my husband have an affair' She wailed again.  
'Shelagh listen to me! If, and at this moment I am sticking with if, Patrick has has had an affair then it will be his fault. Not yours. Never yours. It was his decision, his mistake, I don't care what you said or haven't said this last month. This is not your fault.'  
'I'll kill him. I'll bloody well kill him.' Trixie seethed.  
'No don't. It's better this way. He can have someone who deserves him, who can treat him better, who can give him children. I was just a blip in his life.'  
'Shelagh Turner you look at me. I will not stand for you blaming yourself. I do not know what has transpired between the two of you this past month but I know that man dotes on you. _If_ he's cheated on you then it will not be because of you. You more than deserve him, you are the kindest, sweet hearted, most good hearted person I have ever met. You deserve everything that is good in this life.' Trixie said sternly, breathing a small sigh of relief as Shelagh cracked a minute smile at her words. 'I'm certain that he does not care that you cannot have biological children. You are already the most spectacular mother to his son. Timothy adores you. Besides I thought you said you were looking into adopting a while back?'

'We were as good as turned down-they never got back to us officially but as they left they all but explicitly told us.' Shelagh admitted sniffling.  
'Oh Shelagh I'm so sorry.' The blonde gasped as she tried to think of any possible reason for two (currently one she corrected herself) of the nicest people she had ever met, two people who deserved a baby and happiness more than anyone else she knew, could possibly be turned down for such a wonderful opportunity.  
'That's why it's so hard to leave Timmy. He's the closest thing I'll have to a child of my own-I love him as if he were my own flesh and blood. He's my little boy. My son.'  
'Oh She. Here's what we're going to do. You'll come back to Nonnatus House with us and stay with us for as long as you need. We'll make up the box room for you or we can kick Patsy in there and you can bunk with me. Then, when you're ready you can talk it through with Patrick.' Trixie promised.  
'I can't. I can't face Sister Evangelina.' Shelagh turned even paler at the prospect. 'She still resents me for leaving. I can't face her knowing that she was right to scorn me.'  
'Shelagh she doesn't resent you. She's thrilled that you found happiness.' Sister Julienne said gently. 'We all are. But most of all she loves you. All she wants is for you to be happy.'  
'There doesn't feel like there's happiness right now.'  
'But there was. I have known you for 9 years and Sister Evangelina even longer. We both agree that we've never seen you happier than you've been until recently. I am sure there is a way for you to regain that happiness. But I agree with Trixie-you can come back to Nonnatus for as long as you want. No matter what name you go by or where we are Nonnatus will always be there to welcome you home.'  
'Oh no.' Trixie groaned suddenly.  
'What?'  
'He's found us. Patrick's on his way over. I'll just go get rid of him for you.'  
'No.' Shelagh stood as her husband rushed over.

'Shelagh. Darling.'

'Patrick please, don't make this any harder than it already is.' To their shock the normally composed man fell to his knees and gripped Shelagh to him. Trixie was about to step forward to intervene when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Glancing at the nun she received a small shake of the head and a flick of the head indicating that the pair should give the couple some space.

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They could not hear what had gone on but it was clear that Shelagh had been wrong about her assertions. Both women let out audiable sighs of relief. No matter what _had_ gone on it would be alright. As Shelagh pulled her husband into a passionate kiss the midwives turned and walked away from the couple.

'There are some things that are not for a mother's eyes.' Sister Julienne smiled as Trixie giggled.

'I do so hope all works out. Shelagh deserves to be happy. I'm tempted to give Dr Turner a good slap for making her cry like that. Poor Shelagh.'

'We do not know the specifics. We cannot judge. Shelagh is the only person who can do that and we must trust in her decision. She would appear to have made peace with him. I am glad.'

'Oh I know but she was so upset sister. I don't care whether it was a misunderstanding no one gets away with hurting her.'

'It's nice to see how protective you are of her but let's take our lead from her.'

'Alright. But he'd better be careful.'

'Between you and I Trixie I'm half tempted to slap him myself.' Sister Julienne said. She was relieved to see a smile spread across the nurse's face.

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Two days later Trixie and Sister Julienne were pleasantly surprised to find a heartfelt thank you note with accompanying homemade cake on each of their beds once they retired for the night. They smiled. Shelagh would be alright.

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**I almost made it an entire fanfiction (only one chapter planned after this at the moment) without Shelagh calling Sister Julienne Mum.**

**Next chapter is the punishment of Estelle**

**Reviews very appreciated x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Once more dedicated to the MMEPAC girls. You gals keep me from being sane xxxx**

* * *

ONE MONTH LATER

'Patrick what is it? What's wrong? What does that letter say?' Shelagh asked as Patrick's spoon dropped noisily into his cereal. Patrick was due for a late start at the surgery and so had decided to having a relaxing breakfast with his family. As Timothy had rushed out of the door he had thrown the post at his parents and disappeared.  
'Its from Estelle.'  
'Crazy lady- nearly ended our marriage- Estelle?'  
'That's the one.'  
'What does she want now?' Shelagh scowled. 'Why can't she just leave us alone?'  
'Because I'm dashingly handsome of course.'  
'It's still not okay Patrick.' She scowled further. Though she had forgiven him for his mistakes the entire episode was a sore topic between them. Now fully made up, and with Patrick having finally divulged his war story, the memory of the worst day of her life still stung bitterly.  
'Sorry. Listen to this

_My Darling Paddy,_  
_It has been a month since our fight and you stormed out of the house. I have given it a lot of thought and have decided that I am prepared to forgive you for your disrespect. I know a love like ours can survive such a hiccup. I shall come to your office on the 25th and we can finally be together. You can finally be free of what I can only assume to be an old hag of a wife. Unless of course you wish me to tell her of your indiscretions. If you don't want that to happen make sure to have something pretty with diamonds on ready for our departure into the sunset together._  
_Until then my beloved I send you my everlasting love,_  
_Forever yours,_  
_Essie._

'She calls you Paddy?' Shelagh smirked. She was well aware of her husbands dislike of nicknames having heard him complain about his mother's insistence on calling him Pat many a time. Getting on well with Helen Turner Shelagh was familiar with the fact that his mother's primary reason for calling her son by the much hated nickname was simply yo annoy him as only a mother could.  
'That was what you took from this?'  
'Well I could comment upon the fact you've given her the impression I'm an old hag.' She challenged him with an amused quirk of her eyebrow.  
'I never spoke a word of you to her except to express my devotion to you.' He assured her/  
'Good.'  
'That's it?' He gaped  
'We'll deal with this when it becomes relevant.' She shrugged.  
'Shelagh...'  
'Yes?'  
'Today's the 25th.'  
'Oh. I think I'm going to enjoy today...Paddy.'

* * *

'Hey you. Receptionist girl. Do you know where I might find Patrick Turner? He's not in his office and I have urgent business to attend to with him.' Shelagh looked up. Before her was a stumpy woman whose features could best be likened to a frog. An ugly frog at that. She had far too much make up on and Shelagh briefly worried for the woman's safety in the East End carting around so much expensive jewellery in plain view. Then she realised who was standing before her. And grinned internally.

'Yes madam, Doctor Turner is currently the community centre doing the antenatal clinic. I'm just going there myself, I only popped back for some paperwork. I'll walk with you Mrs-'

_'Ms_McNamara.'  
'Shelagh.' She extended a hand which Estelle looked disdainfully at.  
'Forgive me if I don't. East enders are always so...dirty.'  
I'm from Scotland madam.'  
'Even worse...a savage. But you live here so you are similarly tainted.' Estelle grimaced and visibly recoiled.  
'Yes madam.'

* * *

'What do you mean no?!' Estelle shouted drawing the attention of everyone gathered in the clinic. Shelagh smirked as her husband chanced a glance at her over Estelle's shoulder.  
'Sorry was that too complicated for you? I don't really know how else to say it. No.'  
'No?'  
'I am afraid that the answer does not change no matter how many times you repeat it.' Patrick smiled sweetly at the gawking Estelle.  
'But why? May I remind you that I have the upper hand here?'  
'Do you?' He frowned, plastering a faux-confused look across his face 'I'm calm and you're hysterical. I think most people gathered here right now would agree that I appear to have the edge in this farce of a conversation.'  
'You forget yourself Turner! I am your superior!'  
'No you're not. You may be richer than me but that is all. I'm probably a better person than you but it's not up to me to decide that.'  
'You still accepted my money.'  
'For reasons I do not regret.'  
'Well I think everyone here would be fascinated by what I know. I think one of them could quite easily pass a message onto that wife of yours.' She jutted out her chin defiantly, convinced she now had the upper hand once more. Biting back a smirk Patrick watched Shelagh rise from her table and walk softly over to the pair of them.  
'Or you could just tell me to my face? It seems a shame to get put people to work when I'm standing right here. Hello yes, it's me again, the dirty Scottish savage from earlier. I don't think I introduced myself properly earlier. The name's Shelagh Turner, I'm Patrick's wife. And I don't like you so can we wrap this up please? Can I take it from here darling?'  
'Be my guest sweetheart.' Patrick let the smirk burst forth as Shelagh sized herself up for battle.

'Does this information you wish to disclose to me have anything to do with this charming letter we received from you this morning? Because if it's not then you can just go home. Or I could call the police. Your choice. Though for future reference if you're going to try and blackmail someone make sure their wife isn't aware of the shambolic lie you're blackmailing them with and don't write it down and sign it. I've checked and we could get you arrested if we decide to.'

'Wha-you know?'  
'Yes I know that you've been blackmailing my husband with a non-existent affair so that he'll buy you jewellery and run away with you. I mean technically I can't complain about the cheap jewellery he was blackmailed into buying you whilst he was under your employ because it was-'  
'Ha! He told you it was cheap? I've seen the receipts!' Estelle preened. Shelagh chuckled.  
'Now you see here he was clever. He bought an expensive watch and necklace and kept the receipt. He then bought different very cheap jewellery, gave you_them_and showed you the original receipt. Sadly I have not yet seen the originals because I have to wait until Christmas to receive them but by the price I have no doubt they'll be excellent. Normally I would have berated him for spending so much money on me but since you paid him so dearly to be blackmailed by you I can forgive him. I suppose really you paid for them and your lousy ones anyway.'  
'I can't believe this.' Estelle gaped grasping the top of a nearby chair to steady herself.  
'Your choice. Oh just a few more points 1. I don't overly appreciate being referred to as '_What you can only assume to be an old hag'_give me some credit here Estelle. I'm only 32. Which leads me into point 2-on what planet would I believe Patrick would cheat on_me_with_you_? What sort of a choice is that? I am, or so I'm informed daily by said husband, an incredibly beautiful 32 year-old who is the mother of his son even though I am under no obligation to be or a sad desperate aging woman so unfriendly she's had 15 companions or assistants this year alone and has a dog who permanently scarred him, though I have great fun teasing him about the fact he got mauled by a dog called Petal.'  
'Shelagh!' Patrick whined as his wife giggled.  
'I'm sorry but it's amusing to me. I'm a savage apparently remember. Basically_Essie,_to steal a phrase from my dear friend Trixie, I'm hot and you're not.'

'Then why did he stay if it was so horrible for him? I bet you don't have an answer for that do you you little brat?'  
'I had tuberculosis last year and as a result I can't have children. For reasons that really don't concern you our application to become adoptive parents pretty much fell through. Patrick discovered a treatment in America which might potentially cure me but it costs a lot so he went though hell with you on the off chance that it could lead to us having a baby.'  
'Oh.'  
'Yes oh. So to summarise stay the heck away from my husband or I**will**call the police, I'm more attractive than you,my husband is a very good man and very clever, you're a sad old woman and your dog is a badly named maniac. Did I leave anything out there Patrick?'  
'Just that we're keeping the letter and everyone here will testify what they heard. Oh and that you're not a filthy savage and if I ever hear her, or anyone, talk about you like that I will not be responsible for my actions. Any responses_Essie_?'  
'No.'  
'Good. Now with all offense intended I hope I never see your face again. Goodbye Estelle McNamara. It was not fun.' Estelle ran out with her tail between her legs. Shelagh turned to grin at Patrick.  
'Nicely done Mrs Turner.'  
'Thank you Doctor.' Shelagh returned to his patient. Everyone else just stared at them.  
'Shows over people.' He winked at Shelagh and work gradually began to resume, both Turners well aware they were soon to be ambushed by their friends.

* * *

'Sorry about the drama. We needed to confront her in public so we had witnesses to back us up. She's the kind of woman who cares a lot about what other people think of her so dressing her down in public was the only way to get her to stop. And Shelagh was desperate to get revenge on her.' Patrick grinned.  
'She tried to kiss you! She nearly ended our marriage! Forgive me for not being fond of her.'  
'Oh I'm with you on the hating her front.'  
'Wait...she nearly ended your marriage?' Jenny gasped.  
'Wait she's the woman who you thought Patrick was cheating on you with?' Trixie gaped.  
'Yes. It seems I actually had little to worry about.'  
'Dr Turner?' Sister Evangelina scowled. 'Would you care to explain why Shelagh though you were having an affair?'  
'I thought she covered it well in her rant at Estelle.'  
'Don't be smart with me.' Patrick gulped. He recognised the thunderous look on her face.  
'Okay. Sorry. After forcing that scene on you all out there I suppose you deserve the full story truth. I was, as Shelagh mentioned, working as basically a servant for Estelle, in order to raise money for potentially going to America for pioneering medical advancements. She became rather enamoured with me and tried to kiss me, instead leaving lipstick stains on my collar and I often came home spelling like her perfume. She began to blackmail be into buying her gifts and taking her for dinner else she would tell Shelagh that I_had_been having an affair. This took up a lot of my time so I was barely at home. Immediately preceding all of this was a fight between Shelagh and I stemming from the fact that I had single handedly ruined our chances of adoption.'  
'Patrick that's not true. I-'  
'No darling I won't let you take any responsibility for that. Anyway the never being at home, smelling of another woman, having lipstick on my collar, buying jewellery and dinner for another woman on top of barely speaking to each other and me not being able to look her in the eye for a month led Shelagh to, naturally, assume that I was having an affair. And I will eternally be ashamed of that. I am so so sorry my love.'  
'It's alright Patrick. Yes you messed up on a very large scale and I still have the occasional urge to slap you, as does Trixie I'm informed, but I've forgiven you. Estelle however I might actually hate. I've never hated someone before. It's surprisingly fun imagining tearing someone's hair out with my bare hands.' She admitted blushing slightly.  
'You scare me sometimes.'  
'Only sometimes? You're just lucky I never got the chance to throw you into a pit of starving dogs.'  
'We're not Guinevere and Arthur Shelagh.'  
'What? How did this get from Dr Turners supposed adultery to Arthurian legend?' Patsy frowned confused.  
'After cheating on Arthur Guinevere travelled to Scotland and continued on with her adultery. The locals disapproved of her immorality and threw her into a pit of starving dogs. There's also another variation where she's torn in two by a pair of wild horses. Or so the Scottish version of the lore goes.'  
'Delightful. So how come nurse Franklin knows about it all?'  
'Sister Julienne and Trixie found me in the park not long after I'd left Patrick and they calmed me down until Patrick could explain.'  
'When you say left do you mean left the house or-'  
'I mean_ leaving_leaving. Sister Evangelina sit down. I don't want any of you treating Patrick badly because of this. He did it, in his own misguided way, because he loves me and wanted to make me happy. And despite what he says I had a large part to play in it too. Please do not singularly blame him. I have forgiven him and letting you all about this because you are my family and I'm trusting you not to hurt either of us by treating Patrick badly. Please. The only one who matters here is me and I have forgiven him. Trust in my forgiveness.'  
'You can't just tell us your marriage nearly ended without us reacting!' Jenny protested.  
'Reacting is okay so long as you don't hurt either of us in the process. Look you naturally all need some time to process this so I think it's best if we leave Patrick. They're not ready to forgive just yet. Not that I can blame them. Let's go home.' She held out her hand and he pulled it to his mouth, caressing her knuckles with his lips before nodding and walking out hand in hand.

* * *

'So how was it? They weren't too horrible were they?' Shelagh asked as Patrick came in from his first day working with the Nonnatuns after the revelations.  
'No. They were not too horrible. They actually cornered me and said that they forgave me for hurting you and that they were glad I loved you enough to try and raise money for your dream. But if I ever hurt you in any way they will not hesitate to hurt me.'  
'But rhat won't happen will it? Because we aren't going to keep secrets from each other. We're going to talk to each other more. You're going to stop feeling guilty about the adoption and I'm going to listen to you more. We're going to be okay you and I.'  
'I'm just glad Timothy's forgiven me. That was an uncomfortable few days.'  
'Don't worry I think he was ignorant of most of what had gone on. We talked, a few days after it all came to a head. He knew that I had been very sad and that it was because of your actions. He could though tell that the month of grumpiness as he called it was over. He wanted to make sure we were okay. That I was okay. I managed to talk him out of glaring at you at every opportunity.'

'Thank you. What did I ever do to deserve you?'

'Not sure. You've saved quite a decent number of lives in your time, mine included. Perhaps you've accumulated good boy points?'

'You're mad but I love you.'

'I love you too Patrick. Always.'

* * *

**I checked and the use of hot in relation to sexuality dates back to the 1500's **

**Reviews appreciated as always xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**For Bee who's been asking me to write this ever since I finished this which is why it has been continued. She sent me a specific request that I have fulfilled. Blame her for this. Or thank her. Whatever floats your boat**

* * *

'Dr Turner.' Sister Evangelina glared at him.

'Hello sister.' He gulped. Shelagh may have thought they'd forgiven him but he was not so sure. Yes the nurses had been nice to him yesterday on his first day working with them after the revelations stemming from Estelle's visit but he doubted sister Evangelina would be so kind. He'd seen a very dark look in her eye when she had become apprised of the situation and had physically jumped towards him before Shelagh had ordered her to sit. He knew, possibly more than anyone, just how protective of his wife the robust nun was. It had been barely 2 hours after they had announced their engagement that she had cornered him and told him in no plain terms that if he ever dared to even consider hurting Shelagh then she would not hesitate to make his life a continual misery. He had promised not to. And he had meant it. But he had done it anyway. He had broken his promise, but more importantly he had broken his beloved's heart.

'You made a promise to me nearly a year ago. You promised me she'd be okay.' She said coldly.

'Yes. And I meant it. I still mean it. You have to understand I was doing this to stop Shelagh from hurting. I would never willingly hurt Shelagh you have to believe me. I adore her, am completely besotted with her. I am disgusted with myself for how I treated her. Please Sister-'

'I asked only one thing of you. One. Thing. You can imagine how hard it was for me to let Shelagh go. It took me a long time to accept. But I did. Because I trusted you.' She grew louder and louder. 'I thought she was going to be happy. That's all I wanted for her. That's all I've ever wanted. But you made her miserable! I thought she'd be safe with you. And instead she thought her marriage was over. She thought the one person she trusted most in the world had betrayed her. You broke her heart!'

'If I could take it back I would.'

'But you can't. You hurt my little sister.' Silently the nun walked over to him until they were eye to eye. He frowned as she turned a sickly sweet smile on him. Slowly, never taking her eyes off his she placed both hands on his shoulders before ramming her knee into his groin. He screamed out in pain, falling to the floor as she loomed over him.

'Shelagh has forgiven you. And I trust her. So this will be the end of this. But if you ever step so much as a toe out of line...well let's just say this is just a fraction of what will happen to you.' She promised before walking out.

* * *

Three hours later Shelagh stormed into Nonnatus House as its occupants were tucking into dinner.

'HOW DARE YOU?' She screamed at the nun. 'WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?'

'I was defending you! I thought you'd be pleased!'

'I asked you to let it go. I asked you to leave Patrick alone and you physically attacked him! I've just come from the hospital where my husband is currently being checked investigated for serious lasting damage. If you'd hit him only a little bit harder he could have needed emergency surgery! WHY WOULD I BE PLEASED?' They all jumped back at the sudden scream.

'That seems like an overreaction.' The nun huffed.

'When I found Patrick he was throwing up into a bin because the pain was so bad. He couldn't walk! I checked him over myself-'

'I'll bet you did.'

' and he seemed okay but with that type of injury you can never be too careful so I drove him straight to the hospital. I just ... I can't believe you'd do that.' Shelagh seethed though calming down somewhat now that she'd raged.

'What did you do?' Sister Julienne asked aghast, her facing reflecting that of everyone else at the table.

'She kneed him in the groin.'

'What?' They gasped. Sister Evangelina stood so she was looking down upon the former nun who drew herself up to full height. There was a tense silence as everyone watched agog as a silent battle raged arched between the two women's eyes. To everyone's surprise Sister Evangelina was the first to break.

'I wanted him to hurt like he'd hurt you. He promised me that he would never hurt you but he did. He did the one thing I asked him not too. He broke your heart. That is unforgivable.' Sister Evangelina explained as Shelagh softened slightly.

'I appreciate you looking out for me but it wasn't your place to forgive. Sister I love him. And I have forgiven him. Patrick and I are working through this together. I haven't just ignored what he did, we're dealing with our issues. I'm a big girl, I can look after myself. Normally I'd be glad that you care enough to watch out for me but this was just too far. You nearly destroyed everything.' Shelagh explained, tears springing to her eyes.

'Okay maybe I overreacted a little but he'll be fine in a few hours.'

'You really haven't thought it through have you? Sister I am going to be blunt and I don't care if it makes you uncomfortable. The treatment in America is still in its very early stages of development and unreliable even if we do manage to afford it and we were turned down by the adoption society. Quite frankly I need my husband in full working order if I am to ever have the child I ache for. There is already only a 1 in 150 chance that we will ever be able to conceive naturally and you nearly made it far less likely. Your anger nearly killed all hope of my carrying a child.' Everyone's jaws dropped as it occurred to them. Sister Evangelina paled drastically.

'Shelagh I...I am so sorry. You are correct I didn't think of that.'

'No you didn't. Now excuse me but I have to pick up my son from cubs.' Shelagh walked out.

* * *

'Did you give her what for?' Patrick grinned as his wife strode back into his hospital cubicle with a very satisfied look on her face.

'Of course. Nobody hurts my man and gets away with it. I may have exaggerated a little; I might have pulled out the already diminished, not needing any discouragement, fertility card.'

'You did? Wow, playing dirty.' He said impressed.

'I have to find some silver lining in it all. I probably shouldn't have enjoyed it so much but I think I made Sister Evangelina feel pretty bad. Once she's got over the shock of it she'll probably realise that the injuries she could have inflicted probably wouldn't affect fertility. But I'm going to enjoy her squirming. Marrying you has made me a terrible person.' She chuckled

'It's all that lovemaking.'

'Oh definitely. Those numerous catch up marathons have made me delirious with ecstasy.'

'I know you are.' He grinned. 'I love you wife.'

'I love you too.' She leant down and kissed him. 'Let's go home.'

* * *

**I think this is now finished again. We'll see.**

**Reviews appreciated xxx**


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